In January 2013, a year after starting, we left. We could no longer sustain radio. We were not financially accomplished. We could not be doing all this “voluntary” work if it was not “paying” us/off. Also, we could no longer make the effort to travel there every week, as the distance was taxing. We could no longer come in on a Tuesday which was a labour day. There were, however, deeper reasons. It was as if I was not taking hold of my life, and by that, we mean “realities.” At times, for instance, we were entering the studio despite housing issues and other uncertainties. (As for finances, that is always an issue.) Beyond that, vanity happened: for the information we were offering, we felt slighted by the Tuesday afternoon thinking there should have been enough initiative to give us a “better” slot, even if that meant a longer one. It was as if we were a cog in the wheel, and so there was an issue of “recognition.” It was as if “management” was not familiar with “management”, and factors of talent recognition etc. It was as if they did not realise the amount of effort we had begun to put into the broadcasts, or the depth of research that we had engaged in. We were seen as “just another” as opposed to someone with “the answer.” Again, we can never say if we have “all answers”, but we surely have many, and yet, when there was no “discrimination”, it was as if the people in positions of importance, were sleeping; asleep dreaming they’re awake. Our issue, however, was not the management; it was the people. We also came to fear that they were “groupies.” They were without memory, without discernment, and without conviction. They were defeated and indifferent and so, could not discern my seriousness. They were jokers and clowns imagining they were more serious than they were when really, they were not prepared to do the work to graduate their thought and transform them into serious people. They were there for the ride, and would do so with whoever was on the slot.
There is so much data flying about, or floating about these days, that few can discern the quality of anything. There are a myriad of “talkers” on the “circuit”, and many are repeating the same stuff. There are popular icons, and public figures of prominence, and yet, often, we remain no better. For this reason, this mess, we only listen to a set few; we prefer that to the promiscuous approach. There are those “gullible” ones, however, who entertain anything, discerning little. They have no overall focus and live for the moment, without direction. They take on all information without ever drawing it together, or placing it into a wider framework. They have no memory but live in a continuous present; they are immersed in diversion and obsessed with distractions; they like fashion trends and current affairs that are of no relevance in terms of ultimate goals; they think “positive” without constructive practice; they consume information like it was a buffet; they gather knowledge like hoarders collect newspaper. They fail to, however, collaborate. They fail to develop programmes or put systems in place for peoples that will come after them. They talk about nations but have no relations. They say the family is under attack but cannot piece together their own ones; they live on benefits and say we need to “know ourselves.” They are an embarrassment; they have little appeal; they have little class; in short, they do not impress. They are the necessary dupes. They need to exist to deplete us; they are form without substance. If no one were to call us up, we might realise we are not “reaching” people, but with their “feedback”, we get lost, mistaking our “reaching” for “connecting.”
We stepped down from our role to focus on financial ones. We said we need to secure our future rather than sacrificing it for people who were not going to support or uplift us. It is not to “blame” them as fundamentally, there is no sustaining consciousness for these ideas. There are no platforms or structures for these ideas. We are just a scattered collective. We will continue to burnout and breakdown so long as there is no organising collective or more importantly, a CODE. In the past, however, we attempted to be spectacular individuals. We thought we could “go at it alone.” We imagined our “talk” would be of consequence without realising it needed a collective. This means then, that the issue is twofold. Firstly, there are few serious people. Many of the listening audience are “clowns” however, there are others who are indifferent as they have little faith in the talk. When they were serious, others were not; when they put themselves out, others did not. When they gathered knowledge, others did not appreciate them; when they made sacrifices, others ignored them. When they made efforts, few paid attention. When they warned us, we laughed at them. And when they died, we cried for them, without ever having done things for them when they were living. These people gave their time and made efforts; many were serious about “dignity” – dubbed, “liberation” – but were met with ridiculousness. They listened to radio desperate to hear seriousness but instead, were met with comedy. They came to listen to people who should have been nowhere near a mic. They were listening to personalities rather than workers. They wanted builders but hear banter, and did the right thing: they left hoes to be hoes and didn’t attempt to turn them into housewives. Myself, I called up these jokers and mocked them… hoping others would realise it was a parody. Few saw through this comedy; they took the farce for fact because for them, between work and play, there was little difference.