Voices Inside My Head

Discipline, Duty, Discernment

In the film Infernal Affairs, the character is torn between his role (duty) and his conscience (passion.) He is part of the Mob, and he has been planted in the police, and yet, with the police having “bought into” his police role, he feels compelled to live up to the image ideal, so as to function and operate in a way that makes this “acting” reality. He can not simply abandon his “disguise” and cease “pretending” as he is torn between multiple pressures holding him a hostage, and tearing him between the fragments and compartments of his self. In essence, his self is no more, to the extent that it cannot be expressed; in his new role, he IS a cop, and yet, like Gyptian, he is held a prisoner to his old self, as his orientations are still grounded in the MOB. He cannot simply abandon them, for at worst, they would kill his physical self, eradicating the psychological self “problem.” At the same time, so long as he is captive to their implicit requests, as demands, he is not living, and effectively “dead” – even if on his “own-two feet.”

He cannot confess, even to his “loved one” for fear that this exposure would lead to his eventual “extinction”, and so, he must live in the depths and complexities of a lie. He must withhold part of himself, and yet, this limits and invalidates him, for, we already know that a half of a lie is a whole of a truth – or at least, that’s what we’ve been told. He cannot be his self and so we must question the extent to which his nascent, latent, dormant self can even be said to still be functional – is it operating in theory only, like a thought contemplated prior to deeds which trouble conscience? Likewise, he cannot reveal his new commitments to the mod for, like a network, he cannot “just leave” his terminal, for, if one circuit is broken, the entire route of the current is interfered with. He must, therefore, kill the voice inside his head, much like our character in Revolver, and much like Anakken, fails to do in Star Wars (Episode III).

Dedication, Demonstration, Devotion

He is afflicted with a criminal condition of bondage; he is not permitted to be AUTHENTIC as his dependence has dictated this need to be UNTRUE. I ask, can anyone else relate? [R.D. Laing sure could…] It might be said that blacks are in a tragic arrangement whereby we are paired with a female in marriage, and yet, she dictates when we get sexual access and economic access. Many times we cannot even sleep in the same bed, whilst, we get daily reminders that we are being tolerated – there a few signs we are welcome in the home, which itself, she owns. This being the case, we can not be said to be in a “relationship” but subject to The Situation, and this manifestation of the power “equation.” We are dominated by this person; we cannot deny consent as we are not in a position to be honest. We are utterly dependent on this person, and so, just as a prison warder can demand “favours” from the inmates, who “accept” these “advances” the inmates sense there will be serious repercussions if they do not comply,

…and so, if they are “property” (hostages), seen as they would not consent to being there, it is silly to discuss the dynamics of their “capacity” to consent or decline these advances; they are subjugated, meaning their self-concept if obliterated. From that moment on, it is RAPE. It might be argued that our character is a “nigger”, for he is not entitled to his own thoughts. He is the human resource, the intellectual property of another, effectively subordinated to their will. He cannot be himself, for the paradox is still in force. He is bound to their terms and conditions of ownership, unless he returns to his former life along with the self he so desires to leave behind, and so, he is caught in the binds of a supremacist mindset which has to see others merely as extensions of itself. The MOB for instance, cannot permit him to jeopardise their positions, and so, they must ensure he remains “happy”, always feeding back to them and ensuring they are “updated” on everything that is going on, and yet, this “feedback loop” only ensures he never strays too far, lest he gets “rebellious thoughts”…

About omalone1

I live I die I write
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