Today I wanted to die. I feel like this most days. I want it all to end because the oppressor has an environment, so bitter and hostile that it means I live my life without any level of quality. All I have is consumption and escape but there is no meaning. It is just emptiness and hiniism for I live with this discontent. Even worse, I am expected to tolerate this, and , as the oppressors have designed the rules of the game, precision engineered and a total system, it has been framed in such a way that if I respond to this pain and protest, I am denigrated as spurious terms like “Psychosis” are applied to my being when in reality the only psychotic people, true to the definition, are those who imagine themselves to be immune to this reality, those oblivious to it, or those who imagine thy can ignore it expecting it to just go away. They want to be invisible, to blend in; to be homogenised and anonymous, and yet, it’s impossibility, as they cannot correct a situation they did not create. They can not solve a problem if they are not the problem. The problem is the Team; who operate in such a way that means that their thought and behaviour patterns make sick those who they rule. There is no mystery here. The cause is oppression. Even the psychologist I am seeing is this oppression for she refuses to locate the source of this torment, the cause of this distress, which is the mistreatment we are subjected to. The cause is her. She cannot be the cure. She must look to herself and the situation form which she emerges. That will solve my problems, for things do not happen because I am black.

Things happen because THEY are white, and in control of my situation. I feel this pain everyday because it is the pain of denial. Just as there is an essential body of knowledge to be discerned, and which is required for people to be ordinary functioning beings, there is a standard of dignity people must live with if they are to avoid maladjustment and yet, we do not have that. Much rather, we live with this denigration. It might even be better to avoid using the term “live” or “live” and to start by simply saying we “exist.” The psychologist would rather I endorse the position that I have a chemical imbalance. In fact, when she mentioned that Mr Laing was some kind of radical alternative to the mainstream discourse, a part of me did laugh, although I could not show it. It only demonstrated that she was as much a result of her oppression as anyone else, but she was not a VICTIM. She was only harmed by it, with her landscapes disfigured, but noting more. She was still a part of the oppressive apparatus and in colluding with it, that is adopting the beliefs, ideas, and ultimately, the ideology, she was the oppression. There are many facets of this oppression. I always single out black people for they play a major role, even if they are sick. The problem is, having adopted the mindset of the supremacist; they are the oppression, or at least, satellites and agents of it. These are the people who will read this and call me mad, or the people that will on a daily basic claim I am a sicko. They use these words lightly and yet they mean it, and that is why they should be killed. They should be killed because they are not alive.

They are only operating at the basest most destructive level which renders them a threat to other people. There is not a place in the world for these sick people because the world was not made for their existence. IN fact, they very much operate contrary to the world, interfering with its harmony, and upsetting its balance. When we eradicate these people we are practicing and doing justice. We are creating abetter environment that will allow for the betterment of life; we are nurturing and cultivating an environment that will be of service to the future generations. These people have been around long enough to pursue truth and justice and yet they have failed to do so because they are very complicit, and collude with the oppressor. It is not enough to say they are victims of the oppression as victimhood itself implies a degree of agency .in reality; these people are not even born. They have yet to be. They are the walking dead and with tat, everything they touch will only create more death, as demonstrated by the world in which people like myself are afflicted by their sickness. Indeed, it was never a sign of good health to be well adjusted to a sick society, and yet, the sick people will repeat mantras like this, paying their dues only as far as lip service. In reality, they do not practice what this knowledge would entail which logically would mean a complete destruction of these categorical absurdities, and in particular, “mental illness.”

About omalone1

I live I die I write
This entry was posted in Sick of being black and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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