On the phone, we spoke about people from school. That was our world. We were both popular as we were an inseparable team. In time, as he found his faith, and other sources of sustenance, the team was not just us. (I no longer lived as close to begin with, and besides, I also got closer to another friend we both were familiar with.) Gradually, “…we drifted apart.” I don’t know if he completed sixth form but I had to go college as, having been excluded, I was not welcome back. Other people we grew up with just stayed on and did their thing, but that wasn’t the case with us. After college, for instance, I lost my way as all the rage inside imprisoned me, and became a barrier to being. I have dealt with that, but at the expense of much vanity. I had to prioritise which meant cutting away from many people, and so, as we both shared, when we see other people from that world (“school”), we just ignore them and go elsewhere, so as to avoid the conversation/confrontation. (These encounters tend to be exceptionally empty with people boasting about their partner, car, and home and job status, in addition to gleaning over some other: gossip, rumour, trivia, hearsay etc.) If it’s not constructive, avoid it.
So much affects, informs and moulds us growing up, as we are shaped by the peoples in the environment in addition to the very environment itself. There are many surprises and sudden realities to deal with, as they arise, and yet, it is this response factor that also plays an important role in ensuring the being remains integrated for the future to come – and the ones not yet born. At that at we are just so oblivious, and yet, the worst crime, the life sentence punishment is the failure of the parents, for they just don’t prepare us for these things. Those from the traditional and conventional backgrounds can fall back, but we fall flat. We have nothing to catch us, and so, unlike them, we can not rely on a safety net, and furthermore, being without any degree of preparedness or institutional literacy, we struggle to even find avenues that offer help and support. We find ourselves alone, and so, dealing with the crisis of identity and desire, compounded by the reality of no longer having a dependable roof over our heads, we come to realise the depth of the war against our existence. Many fall…
In closing screen of the film “stand by me”, the typist asks where our real friends have gone, and likewise, Baz Lurhmann (1999)*poses a similar question. All of a sudden, once we realise we are naked and alone, we come to feel vulnerable and seek companionship to compensate for that feeling of being dangerously exposed and potentially subject to annihilation. There is an effort to find meaning, and achieve, which itself, is the seed of ambition. Attempting to be elevated from mediocrity, may attempt to find solace in stardom, and escape in the fame. There are attempt to make something of oneself in show business and the entertainment industry and yet, rarely do those lofty desires materialise. For many, money is the motive, and yet, even if the many search for this, they sacrifice much transparency in the search for this rotten core. Along the way, there are multiple perversion, secrets, disasters and upsets which often get conveniently buried and erased, whilst for others, these tales are little more than fanciful inventions aimed at pleasing and sedating others who might probe deeper. Suddenly, that youthful zest is replaced by mechanical obedience and standardised objective, and at this stage, many die
I fell of the train, and didn’t get picked up. I tried running to catch it but that didn’t work, so there I was, all alone, waiting for a miracle, looking for the cure, and yet, despite that search, I was no saved. I didn’t get guidance, and yet, even without that supervision, I’ve arrived at my own version of values and complimentary code. I will to be liberated from all of this. I no longer see the world as I did as a child; I no longer have that fantasy of being a civil servant (doctor, fireman, dentist, police officer, and lawyer) or all these other sentimentally idolised role fetishes. At this stage, we’re meant to yearn for power, status and prestige in the form of influence, and yet, in spite of this unreality, this friendship has arisen to endure. In closing, I agree: “…when you get older you’re gonna realise that your friends …aren’t always as loyal as you want them to be …things change…[…] I threw away all that time for nothing […] here’s the thing, relationships are like people I guess, they begin, they have adventures, they grow old, they die. We…both made it to old age but we let our friendship die too young and that was really stupid of us…”