Maybe Oni is correct (i.e. I can agree with him) when he suggests I am defeatist. I am still deciding if I want to be “black” beyond early adulthood, which will arrive in January of next year. In the meantime, I will continue posting, having already completed publishing (4 books in 8 months.) I only really wanted to contribute something to the world, and through the literature, I have done that. I am not sure if I could have been of more use, but to be honest, I am not concerned with that. I only wanted to be of service, but learnt that without a status, within a structure, it is futile being fanatical. Outside of the context of groups, individuals are invisible, and this has always been the issue I’ve struggled with. Like Ezra Pound, as a dissenting voice, as a challenging person, I am labelled as “this difficult individual.” Mark Essex had a similar issue. When he challenge the racist ill-treatment he was subjected to, rather than say they were causing him a problem, the figurative, and conceptual racist majority presented him as a the problem (actually suggesting that he had a personality disorder.) Outraged by this EPISTMIC INSULT, he went on a rampage (of what Chalmers Johnson might refer to as “Blowback.”)
Sadly, in the case of Mark Essex (sounds like Malcolm X), the racist gatekeepers ensured that their apologists justified away his attempt at finding peace and establishing justice. They screened themselves from truth, as is common of non-consciousness. It was this tendency that Gurdjieff warned against, and tried to protect his revelations from. In his epic manual, In Search of the Miraculous, Gurdjieff warned that no one ought to have referenced his conclusions unless they had read and understood his completely body of work. Likewise, I maintained that until I was educated (“published”), I ought not to venture into areas I was not qualified in. The problem is that I was going by personally contrived qualifications as opposed to official recognition. I can debate, and – to be honest – have HUMILIATED many PHD’s/doctors, and yet, as I have no letters after my name, I remain anonymous. (The Invisible Man, My Name is Nobody, The Man Who Cried I Am.) It is appalling. I used to always think that people recognised talent irrespective of where it came from, but I now know that is not true. I realise, as Bertrand Russell did (cf “Power”), that people without influence are treated as if they are of no consequence. Indeed, in the materialist realm, people have no inherent worth; only the dues conferred upon them by the ideologically powerful.
I have sat back and listened to many supposed “learned” people only to swear, upon hearing them, that I better not recommend anyone to their adult institutions. Other times, I have listened to proposed authorities and purported experts only to be left wondering if they were of sound mind. Sadly, when I have questioned these people, it has been my own rationality and reasonableness that has come under fire. As it were, seen as I am not officially recognised, I am presented with no platforms. There are no head-hunters out scouting for me; there are no agencies rushing to get my opinion on the latest scandal or think-tanks swarming towards me to get some feedback; there are no advisors looking for someone worthy of consultation. Instead, it is the class-clowns who get a spot on the hot seat, which is why, I can finally side with Greg Kimathi (cough, “Dr Carr”) who intimated that since all that is popular is fraudulent, whoever is quoted, forget them. This being so, I got fed up with looking for clowns to proof, edit, review, or even introduce my works, and instead, threw them to the wind, like a message in the bottle, that, although ahead of its time, wills to be discovered. In retrospective, I think that rather than attempt to be a visionary, and set a precedent, the reformist should’ve conformed.