Before you ask, it is an acronym for Go In For The Spectacular, and it refers to the way in which the Team views the non-members, but in particular, it reflects the way I have been disregarded for so long. May marked eight years of pain, brutality and unrest, and yet, this conflict has played out on at least two planes: physical, and mental. In the physical sense, since May 2004, I had been experiencing severe leg pains. I was brought to a physiotherapist and had an MRI… eight years later, I am still experiencing pain, but more importantly, the main focus is my “mental health.” There is a huge “campaign” to maintain the distance between services and myself, and this has been facilitated by the failure, refusal and reluctance to address my needs, and yet, above and beyond the issue of “mental illness”, the emphasis has been terribly misplaced. My psychological being was never “organic”; if anything, it merely reflects the fact that my body has been so depersonalised by the brutality of denial and the experience of fragmentation, and yet, that’s not the whole story. More importantly, the apparent deterioration of my “psychological being” has been directly proportional to the denial of my “psychological aptitude.” In not nurturing the “form” the professionals (establishment) has invoked within a spirit which must eventually manifest explicitly, and takeover, completely colonising my being. It is by these means that the demonic comes to possess the personal; this is the process by which false identities are created in individuals and eventually replace the authentic self; it is how SUBSTANCE is eclipsed by the FORM. It is the inner-workings and intricate mechanics of the total, global system of white supremacy!!!

I made a mistake (I was not prepared.) I assumed that I could get Them to also see what was “wrong” with me, without realising that a people’s whose very existence is predicated on “wrong” has no concept of “right.” Having nothing to compare substance to, in the supremacist mind, unless it adversely affects them, nothing is “wrong.” Add to that the ways in which the Team maintains a psychological distance (e.g. buffers, framing, narratives, commentaries), they ensure that they will not have contact with the people affected by their regime. This implicit system of linguistic and psycho-social segregation ensures that the reality of the non-white remains an unreality to the Teams. Following this, it is “insane” to attempt to get the Team to intervene in a crisis as theirs is a way of life based on denying crisis. It is not, therefore, that they do not see people suffering but that they have no concept of the other in the first place. To paraphrase Zanele, they have no care for the life present in the non-white body. Likewise, they have no regard, whatsoever, for the thinking operating in the non-white mind. It therefore also follows that there can be no (universal) justice to be found amongst the Team as according to their order, we already have justice. Seen as injustice is something that concerned people respond to immediately, everyday the Teams demonstrates their conviction; that all is fine and “fair.” Anyone contesting this conviction must, necessarily, be branded insane. How could they not be; they are disagreeing with the words of the almighty whites; the supreme beings; the lying Gods.

It is only a matter of time before we cease trying; before we terminate our efforts; before we surrender with the “white” flag (read, “partner.”) They represent resources and for impotent people this tends to be highly desirable. At least, it’s far more consequential than talk, even if it’s not much to look at in terms of walk; it’s a last resort. It’s a sign of complicity; a symbol of cooperation; a confession of denial. In truth, it is really the same message as “same-sexism”; the message is that the black no longer even wants to remain capable of being perceived as a threat, and yet, this is only the passive approach. By contrast, the other side of “instability” is what others might refer to as “consumption” (or even “promiscuity.”) The others turn from scholars to dealers knowing that this militant posturing, profiling and pontificating means access to women/reward. These people forfeited their dedication, devotion and desire to the principle of music, money and might, or football, fitness and focus. They turn to pimping, power and potency as that is the only way they have to fulfil their potential and make something of their lives. There are also those who lose it altogether and get “ill.” Either way, the message each of these groups wrestle with, at some level, is the question of time; of phases; of stages; of cycles. They wonder if they tried to be good people in bad times, and in the end, they make similar conclusions: that one either dies a hero or lives long enough to see themselves become the villain. Indeed, with the pursuit of justice being so mundane, why not by like Drake, and lay it all on the HEADlines in going for the spectacular.

*that makes 32 posts, so for now, I will leave you be… thanks for reading. C’YA

About omalone1

I live I die I write
This entry was posted in Sick of being black and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to G.I.F.T.S.

  1. Excellent post and I agree with everything you said. Have you listened to The Cows? It’s a radio station here in the u.s

    They talk about this and a Whole lot more. I just listened to Dr ani’s book yurugu….excellent!

    The website is blacktalkradio the cows….check it out and let me know.

  2. omalone1 says:

    … I have listened extensively and have invested in the COWS, although I do believe they moved to BlogTalkRadio. I am listening to Verna Keith as I speak.

    ByTheWay, I have checked and you have so many followers, which you reply to often, so how do you make the time to continue to post comments here?

    Having completed this segment, I plan to get about to reading some more blogs/press-sites, as I feel that in a lonely era, that relating matters,

    appreciate the symbolic support, but I will be giving Oni, and yourself, a break. (32 posts in 6/7 days is mail-box flooding.)

    I will be going back to the GP this Wednesday. and in the quest to get this injustice on paper, and restart the paper-trail… I plan to act a fool!!!

  3. omalone1 says:

    difficult period; I’ve sat home, doing little for the past couple days as I was so appalled with the GP service I received last time. I didn’t recognise it as first but psychologically, I did. If boredom is buried anger, then surely I had concealed my outrage, and yet, since the suspects have no care for the life in your body, I guessed that there would be little to gain from venting. I have learn that under domination, there is no recourse when mistreated; that people can dishonour you as they wish as they will not be held to account, at any point. In fact, other members will excuse apologise for them, if not just colluding in the brutal deception.

    just returned from the GP and wore my Pink Panther suit (if treated as a joke, why not be one.) No progress, just thoughts. I might just post on it, and yet, isn’t posting a palliative measure designed to keep people from protesting? If it is an attempt to compensate the feeling of insiginificance, which comes with being invalidated (devalued), it is a poor effort which I will grade as z. I realise that so long as I live, so long as I do not bow to mediocrity and accept my lot, I will remain tormented, and continue to be marginalised, never finding peace for the war in the mind, that spells the daily crisis and eternal rage. I live, I die, I write.

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