Embarassing as it might be, the Garvey group was perhaps, my first taste of a collective black-consciousness (irrespective of how pitiful of an “effort” it was.) Either way this group surely influenced my decision to “arrange” the AETC series.
oh… didn’t I say.
Aged 20 (well, aged 20, 21 and 22) I undertook a major endeavour. I invested my energy in writing a memoir/thesis/treatise called “An End To CHildhood.” It was supposed to serve as a seminal work, a masterful thesis, a significant contribution to academia; a grand synthesis of “African” thought but of course, it failed to live up to the hype, reflecting what happens when ambition exceeds talent.
AETC was a five volume treatise that was essentially abandoned prior to publication. In the end, after initially attempting to publish it in 2009, when I received the proof (December 24 this year), I was so disappointed with the project that I had to put it on hold. It did not live up to expectation, but worse still, the fact that it tried to live up to any expectations explains the weakness of it.
Since then (although officially, just a few days ago) I have changed my outlook; it has been modified, radically. I realised that the Garvey group, and their various counterparts and affiliates, were a) not serious and b) not constructive. Rather than try to perfect their “lunacy”, I have decided to “leave them to it” altogether, as I head in a new direction. I have a new vision for this is a new direction; one that I am not sure has been tried before.
AETC is no more, and yet, I still dwell on it for its sentimental value.
The last chapter marked the end of an era, as I move on into a new future, a new version of reality. On this note, I leave you with one of the closing passages from the final pages of the text; formally to-be, the grand instruction-manual, reference-textbook; formerly to-be, the Afrikan liberation handbook; the black-bible:
…I have finally completed a comprehensive revision of this text, having literally just completed this full edit. It is August 2011, and more than three years after “finishing” this book, I find myself still “completing” it. Much of this has been necessary. I was misguided; I was fooled; I was misled. I thought I was competent, only to find that, notwithstanding some rare gems, this text was pretty mediocre. It was largely abstract, and ineffectively insular. It was without much emphasis and direction, and yet, it was pioneering .Without that early mould and form, I would not be able to materialise this wish with substance and content. At last, after three years of planning and envisioning, I have a website and am retrieving epic recordings I have made. I’m moving in a progressive direction, and aiming to become progressive, “putting in the work.” Evidently, I am no longer 19, or 20, but, I’m still there in passion, only a little more coherent. I am still struggling to find that affection that makes me feel complete again, and yet, I already am whole. I imagine that predominantly self-deficient peoples desire such extensive validation, and yet, being an African in the rotten-island, stability is what I do not have. It is an authentic wish and a true desire.